COVID-19: the viva stress is real.

Okay, so I thought I’d been doing a pretty good job of keeping myself calm over the past few weeks. It’s now two days until my viva and I can tell you…I am not calm! I like to think I am, but I can just feel the lingering tension and worry. I’ve been re-reading my thesis as part of my prep and feel like I keep finding holes in it – I’m sure that’s just last minute nerves and overthinking, but really it’s not what I want to be.

I am very grateful that it’s one of my good friend’s birthday today, and she is having a picnic get together so I have something to distract me at least! Clearly I pick my friends well. Speaking of which, I got the most lovely surprise this morning in the post from a PhD buddy with homemade treats and a Harry Potter mug. And then not long after a check-in text from another PhD buddy. I tell you, if you want to feel the love…do a PhD, and get to your viva. I’m feeling so supported right now, which is really nice.

I’m trying to make sure that my brain doesn’t twist this support into pressure that will stress me out more. With people around me who care, I feel like there are people to disappoint. Not just hypothetical people who might be disappointed if I don’t perform, but actual real life people who have supported me.

It’s so easy to get bogged down in the stress and irrationalities that feel like the biggest thing in the world at the moment, but it’s important to keep in mind the big picture:-

• My supervisor would not let me submit if she didn’t think my thesis was up to standard
• My examiners are not looking to fail me
• Part of the viva is making sure I’ve done the work (that one, I really know I have!)
• It doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s about the journey and some mistakes (e.g. typos, figure numbers) are allowed
• I know my thesis better than anyone

Also, in my mind right now, the worst case scenario is that I get fail/get downgraded to an MPhil…which I’ve covered by my first bullet point. So realistically, the worst case scenario in my mind is getting major corrections. This really freaks me out because of the amount of time/work that will need to go into my PhD on top of my new research work. Also, I worry what it will do for me future applications/prospects. Well, rationally…I know if I’ve got to do the work for major corrections then I’ve got to do it. It sucks but that’s life. I know me, I’m not going to give up at this point when I’m so close the end. On the second point, well..yeah it might affect applications/prospects in the short term (which I don’t even know for sure if that’s the case for me!) but I’ve recently found out that there are people I know who are doing very well in their academic careers, of varying levels, who got major corrections and it hasn’t stopped them. Nobody cares. Nowhere will it say on my PhD certificate will it say what the levels of corrections are, like with every qualification…it is the most important thing at the time but the further you go on your journey the less important it becomes.

So, worst case that comes out of the viva is that I’ve got some more work to do, other than fixing the typos I’ve found in my thesis. If that’s the case then so be it. I’m sure I’ve used this quote before but it’s so true…

“No good sittin’ worryin’ abou’ it. What’s comin’ will come, an’ we’ll meet it when it does.”

Rubeus Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire